I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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