Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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