HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
