I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
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