spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
