How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
