My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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