Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
