I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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