well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize