Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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