why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
