i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
