so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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