you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
