I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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