Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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