her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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