So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
