C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
