we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
