ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
