thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
