I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize