she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
