I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
