Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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