Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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