Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
love makes seman taste better
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
