I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize