I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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