Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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