please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
