OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize