How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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