I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Where is the hickey?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
