I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
