This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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