Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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