Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
