I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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