Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
