I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
