if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
