And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Someone shit on the floor
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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