Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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