Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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