I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
