After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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