I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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