those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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