He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
