we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
