Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
