Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
