I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
