So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
