Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
