Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Are my feet made of real feet?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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