jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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