Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize