Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
