he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
