I got chris browned last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
