so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
