god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
