You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize