Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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