If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
