I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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