How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
